You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Your cock deserves a montage
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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