How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
A bitchslap is in order.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
