i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
