Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I didn't notice because vodka
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
