I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
