I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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