I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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