you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
