I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
