Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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