Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
