Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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