i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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