my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
do nipples grow back?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize