you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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