Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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