Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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