I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
