now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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