Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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