Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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