He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
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We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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