Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
But theres a keg here and me gusta
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
