this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize