theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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