he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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