Nicole vs. Life
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
