Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
