hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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