Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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