somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have post one night stand depression
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