Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
