the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
