you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
