dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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