Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
