Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
