it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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