The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
