dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
