His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
