I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
areolas are like halos for boobs.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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