And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
