Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
