i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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