Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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