Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
