He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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