I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
