My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
