I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
