Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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