Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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