You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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