You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize