For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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