i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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