I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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