Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
