I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
