i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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