Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
