he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
